So I took myself off to Lords with Crispin Blunt, Lord Haselhurst, and Tracey Crouch for some serious cricket.
There are all these ghastly photos of them hugging passers by and avoiding difficult questions.
Of course, many of the sacked ministers – Fallon, Mitchell, Shapps and a dozen others are hoping for preferment under a Boris administration.
Our elder statesman returns for the election – and writes that “the poor devil who wins will then face the same dead end as old Mrs May”.
Meanwhile, Sir Henry Bellingham takes to the high seas, and Sir Gerald Howarth ascends to the heavens.
Plus: Boris’s multiple problems. The Chancellor’s dodgy figures. Euro referendum recriminations everywhere. And: SNP MPs in white Y-front shreddies.
Plus: Warmers at “The Mincing Queen”. Luvvies at the Baftas. MPs on BeautifulPeople.com. And: Soames sings the Internationale.
Plus: The Parliamentary Awayday. Matt Hancock is bitten by a police alsatian – but as Fabricant observed, the dog should live!
Plus: Soames bottle-feeds the Crouch childlet. Gove’s lesé majeste. And: It’s Ken Clarke’s memoirs – Fifty Shades of Blue.
Therese Coffey carried out young Gavin Williamson, the PM’s ADC, who was tired and emotional, in a fireman’s lift. He hasn’t been seen since.
Plus: Boris wrecks the Black and White Ball. Colonel Simpson meets the Romanovs. Soames contra mundum. And: swimming lessons with Penny Mordaunt.
Also: Britain Stranger in Europe. Leagues of Empire Loyalists in Kettering. Elliott and Coates in bars and bogs. Plus: Donald Tusk or is it Trump?
Plus: Sir Simon Bowie, Soames on a diet, the Trussette on manoeuvres, tiger nannies, and Proud to be Out. And: Time for Liders to get his British Empire Medal.
And I’m having none of that nonsense about Dry January.
Plus: Boris’s party is raided by the Vice and Drugs Squads. The Home Secretary says it was “a police operational decision”